Perfection is what we all want. The perfect house, the perfect job and of course, the perfect child. But what if you’re gifted with a child who does not fit the norm? A square peg in our round world. There are many views and ideas on the subject. I’m here to offer mine. I’ve learned that there are different types of perfection. Let me introduce you to ours.
Ian was born in December of 2000, a millennium baby. From the first time I heard his heart beat, I knew that he was my reason for being alive. We had a rough start at birth but after a few days in the NICU he was home and healthy and happy. Everyone commented on what an easy baby he was. He slept through the night at a little over 2 months and rarely cried. He was perfect.
From a few months of age, Ian was an individual. He seldom did anything according to the book. He never crawled, but pulled himself forward using his legs, getting into everything, well before he was 9 months old. His first word was “remember,” spoken clearly and in context to the situation. He had bright shining blue eyes and soft fuzzy blonde hair, big chubby cheeks and a loud boisterous laugh. He was perfect.
At around a year old, I noticed a change. Ian had stopped talking as much and had still not begun to walk. He became easily over stimulated and began having night terrors. I would wake 3, or 4 times every night to a screaming, rigid child who could not be consoled. He had also picked up a self stimulating reflex that he should have lost around 6 months of age which caused him to flap his hands at his sides any time he was startled. Although he was very loving, he began to prefer to sit alone and to play with his spinning musical toys. He cringed at any loud noise and shrieked in terror when put in a swing. However, he was my only son and though a bit quirky, he was perfect.
It is now 8 years later. Ian did begin speaking again, after signing for nearly 3 years. He also began walking, though always on tip toe. The sensory issues are still around and though swinging has become a favorite pass time, over stimulation is a constant concern and an issue Ian has to work hard to overcome. He loves unconditionally and sees the world through fresh new eyes. He finds joy in things I tend to over look and has taught me so much. I now realize that an A isn’t the reason to cheer, but the fact that he made it through a whole day in class. It matters less that he refused to use the worksheet paper doll to represent himself in art class and more that he was creative enough to rip a figure out of construction paper because he was feeling green. Hiking is not about getting to the top of the mountain for Ian, but about standing still to hear the crickets. My son has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. And from the very bottom of my heart, he is perfect.
During this season of thanksgiving, we should all be proud of what amazing people our children are. Ian is a constant source of inspiration to me. He deals with things in a unique way which allows him to come up with new ideas for a solution. He seems to think on a different level than the rest of us and many times, his words remind me to be the person I want to be. In a recent situation where an adult was saying hurtful things about him, my 8 year old simply stated, “I feel bad for her.” As the protective mother voice inside me screamed at the injustice, he continued, “It must be scary and frustrating to feel that angry all the time.” I was humbled by a child. As is often the case with Ian. I felt like the student instead of the teacher.
So maybe it is time for us to redefine perfection. There are increasingly more children like Ian coming into our lives. Instead of trying to “fix” them we should begin to realize that maybe they are here to “fix” us. To slow us down, to remind us to be thankful for each little thing that we have learned to overlook in our hurried frantic society. To show us that the small things in life like a soft comfy pillow or the smell of the rain are reasons to celebrate. That holding hands is good no matter what age and that emotions are still ok. If you feel sad, cry. If you are happy, laugh, and if you feel so much pride for your child that you can no longer be silent, tell everyone everywhere, especially your child, yell to the hills that you are thankful that you have finally learned the true meaning of perfection. In my house, we call him Ian.
Alicia Hamilton
Saturday, January 2, 2010 at 7:51PM 
New Year/ New Beginnings
